View Full Version : Elemental

February 4th, 2009, 07:14 PM
Something someone sent me. It's a bit political, but not too bad, I hope.

A New Element Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

February 4th, 2009, 07:22 PM
That's very cute, and, unfortunately, too true.

Terry Yager
February 4th, 2009, 09:38 PM
Hasn't that theory been discredited by a consortium of economists and physicists known as 'The ObamaNation', which has proven that no matter how many morons are attached to the elemental governmentium, it never reaches critical morass, due to the infinite availability of morons in the universe, and the infinite ability of governmentium to absorb money, which offsets the constant formation of administratium, which, if allowed to run unchecked by this process, would have completely engulfed the entire universe eons ago, regardless of the number of morons or the amount money thrown into the equation?


Terry Yager
February 17th, 2009, 10:49 AM
Capitalium, which apparently can rejuvenate depleted governmentium: