View Full Version : A round-up of the Cheney Shotgun incident humor

Micom 2000
February 15th, 2006, 01:55 PM
Wasn't sure whether this should go here or in Political Discussion . It's becoming the same thing in these times.


"Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of
mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." --David Letterman

"But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had
denied the guy's request for body armor." --David Letterman

"We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
--David Letterman

"The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big
Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads
of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."
--David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail
hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by
a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was)
shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and
political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." --Jon

"Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also
raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ...
moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this
enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice
president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're
trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -
it's just not worth it." --Jon Stewart

"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry
Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there
were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there
were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-
year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still
would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is
a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region
of Mr. Wittington's face." --"Daily Show" correspondent Rob Corddry

"Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer.
In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now
at 92 percent." --Jay Leno

"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the
guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the
White House since Bill Clinton." --Jay Leno

"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he
screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal?'"
--Jay Leno

"When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney
on the stretcher. No, the other guy!" --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new
Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" --Jay Leno

"He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can
use his other face. He'll be all right." --Craig Ferguson

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because
if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to
get it, it's going to be in the back.'" --Craig Ferguson

"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for
18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased
about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can
keep." --Craig Ferguson

"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away
is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them
in the past." --Craig Ferguson

"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and
shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter." --Jimmy

"The Vice President says that it was an accident. He claims the guy
got in his line of fire, but the good news was he was delicious. Eat
what you shoot!" --Jimmy Kimmel

"This is a great story. You've got the Vice President, a shotgun, a
bunch of rich guys hunting tiny little birds. The only thing that
could possibly make this story better is if he shot Michael Jackson."
--Jimmy Kimmel

"The man who was shot is named Harry Whittington. He's a high powered
Republican lawyer, he was very lucky. They say the only reason that he
wasn't killed is he was wearing the body armor that never got shipped
to our troops." --Jimmy Kimmel

"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five
years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the
devil." --Jimmy Kimmel

"So in summary, the Vice President of the United States shot a
78-year-old man in the face. Congratulations Mister Vice President,
you are now a Crip." --Jimmy Kimmel

February 16th, 2006, 05:41 AM
:D :D :D

February 18th, 2006, 07:59 AM
This is off color, but still very well worth it ..