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ziloo
June 24th, 2006, 09:28 AM
Hello Terry,

The "General Off-Topic" section is so full of really weird stuff that I decided to use a quieter section for this post, and I hope you will not be offended. I just wanted to get away from the usual dumb old computer stuff (just kidding VC folks :biggrin: !).

A while back you wrote one of your poems that sounded really good, and you said that you would tell us later what it meant. I can't remember which post it was, but I think it is time now that you write the poem again and tell us what it is all about.

We are all ears :listen:!

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 10:05 AM
Hello Terry,

The "General Off-Topic" section is so full of really weird stuff that I decided to use a quieter section for this post, and I hope you will not be offended. I just wanted to get away from the usual dumb old computer stuff (just kidding VC folks :biggrin: !).

A while back you wrote one of your poems that sounded really good, and you said that you would tell us later what it meant. I can't remember which post it was, but I think it is time now that you write the poem again and tell us what it is all about.

We are all ears :listen:!

Is this the one you're thinking of?


Riddle

Out on the water
through the dark I see
Two lonely strangers
looking back at me

I feel the call
from beneath the wave
It's getting closer now
too late to save

Two pink seashells
begin to appear
The voice of the ocean
is not in the ear

The time draws close
it isn't here yet
Hell is in the moment
we pay off the debt

A cave of pearls
lies just to the south
Silence is the only sound
coming from the mouth

The moment is here
as I slip below
A new jewel of the sea
earth never did know

--Terry Yager


The solution to the riddle is that it's about a man who is ending his own life, by drowning himself (out on the water). The imagery describes the last earthly thing he sees as he slips below the waves -- his own reflection in the water. The 'two lonely strangers' are his own two eyes looking back at him. The 'two pink seashells' are his ears, and just to the south, the 'cave of pearls' is his own mouth, frozen open in a final, silent scream.

--T

tgunner
June 24th, 2006, 12:15 PM
ooh, not very fitting for the humor section. :(

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 12:47 PM
ooh, not very fitting for the humor section. :(

Duly noted. Moved back to 'Off-Topic Free-For-All'...

--T

ziloo
June 24th, 2006, 02:08 PM
It has a great composure Terry. You know, if I were to interpret
the poem/riddle, I would probably be more inclined to its sense of
mystism. I would say that here is a man who is at the end of a
journey, and he is completing his stay in this world and he is
returning to the waters where life originated from. He is becoming
united with the mother earth to leap into a higher level of existence.
He is saying farewell to what was once his bodily organs that
he would not need in his next existense (kind of like in Star Trek or some
other science-fiction movies :-)).

Upon his transference to the higher level of existence, he approaches
a heavenly city called "The VC Town". At the gates of the city, there
are two guardian angels "Terra" and "Vela" who are the gatekeepers of
the town and they protect the city from the agents of the evil "Spamella" :twisted:.
All elevated souls who enter this city are rewarded an "Altair 8800"
with all peripherals and eternal guarantee. "The Book of CPM" is
the guiding light for all who live in this city (man...this is getting
too good,.......somebody stop me :biggrin:!)...

Well Terry, aside from the joke part (we are back to humor again!),
I think your style is flawless. Keep on poeming....:thumbsup:

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 02:25 PM
You forgot the part where Erik is our lord & savior, or something like that! :p

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 02:35 PM
You forgot the part where Erik is our lord & savior, or something like that! :p

Yeah, and you forgot to mention Mikael, daArchangel...

--T

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 02:48 PM
It has a great composure Terry.
I think your style is flawless. Keep on poeming....:thumbsup:

This originally appeared in a thread about beat poetry, and I thought it sounded beat, so I posted it. In between the imagery verses, in the other verses I tried to describe his final thoughts & feelings (paying his debt, etc).

Unfortunately, the times when my muse is most active is when I'm in the throes of a psychotic episode. I can't do much creative stuff when I'm medicated ('stable', FWIW). daPillz make my brain shut down, and silence daVoices (my muse).

--T

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 02:56 PM
daPillz for what?

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 03:09 PM
daPillz for what?

Schizoaffective Disorder.

http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-ps05.html

Seroquel, 600Mgs, Prozak, 40Mgs/day. (They make ya dumb)!

http://www.seroquel.com/

--T

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 03:28 PM
Ya don't hafta be crazy to enjoy vintage computin', but it helps...

--T

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 03:36 PM
You call depression & manic attacks "crazy"? Everyone gets depressed, & everyone gets beta brain frequencies (which I don't see as a bad thing :p), it just happens a little longer on you w/o medication! That isn't "Crazy". George Bush is crazy. We can only wonder how he won the erection! :p

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 03:40 PM
I accept the label of 'Mentally Ill' because the benefits outweigh the stigma (especially if I ever hafta kill somebody).

--T

Micom 2000
June 24th, 2006, 05:19 PM
Heh,heh,heh. You BAD Terry.

I generally figure that after 7 decades, I haven't much to lose :^)
Look out for the old guy, punk.

L.

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 05:23 PM
Heh,heh,heh. You BAD Terry.

I generally figure that after 7 decades, I haven't much to lose :^)

L.

I haven't hadda kill anyone lately, but the MI label has gotten me out of a couple of assault beefs in the past (three days in daPsycheWard beats da hell outta 90 dayz for A&B).

--T

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 05:25 PM
We can only wonder how he won the erection! :p

I can only hope that this is a typo...

--T

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 05:41 PM
You call depression & manic attacks "crazy"? Everyone gets depressed, & everyone gets beta brain frequencies (which I don't see as a bad thing :p), it just happens a little longer on you w/o medication! That isn't "Crazy". George Bush is crazy. We can only wonder how he won the erection! :p

Surprizingly enough, even though I carry the label (& exploit it for all it's worth), I don't really believe in 'Mental Illness' (sounds like you don't either). I just believe that the range of 'normal' human behavior is a lot broader than the shrinks like to define it. (I mean, think about it...they determined that Jeffery Dahmer was sane, but I'm nutz???)!!! Hey, all I wanna do is kill people who p!ss me off, I have no desire to eat them...

--T

Vlad
June 24th, 2006, 05:47 PM
I've got the MI lable too, and could care less. Who knew me and Terry would have something like THAT in common.....

-VK

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 05:49 PM
No, that wasn't a typo, just ripping on GB's grammore! :p

How horrible was it in the nut house? Is it anything like that one scene in Good Burger? (except w/o them breaking out into dance to "Not so Knee Deep" (By George Clinton))

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 06:07 PM
No, that wasn't a typo, just ripping on GB's grammore! :p

How horrible was it in the nut house? Is it anything like that one scene in Good Burger? (except w/o them breaking out into dance to "Not so Knee Deep" (By George Clinton))

It's actually not too different from a regular hospital ward, but with a lot more rulez & restrictions (& group therapy twice a day).

--T

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 06:19 PM
Did they allow you to bring a laptop or a GameBoy or anything? What'd you do for 3 days in a confined inviornment?

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 06:23 PM
Last time I was put away, I couldn't even spell the word 'computer' so I didn't miss much. I do recall cable TV though, which was something of a novelty back then (I couldn't afford it at home).

--T

Vlad
June 24th, 2006, 06:26 PM
Yeah, I never made it that far, but I came close once. When you get to that point, that kind of thing isn't really on your mind. You'll have a lot of other stuff to worry about......

-VK

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 06:30 PM
If you've ever lived on daStreet, you'll understand that 3 or 4 days in a nice warm room with clean sheets & pretty nurses is something to look forward to.

--T

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 06:34 PM
Damn, you where so drugged up that you couldn't even spell!? Is that even legal!?

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 06:37 PM
The krap they feed me today ain't half as bad as what they used to cram down my throat 30 yearz ago. Back then, it was all about major tranqualizerz! Try functionong on 50Mgs of Thorazine...you're lucky if you can even move!

http://www.healthsquare.com/newrx/tho1441.htm

--T

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 06:41 PM
The crap who feeds you when?

Damn, what'd you do to get major tranqualizers, kill a cop or something!?

Vlad
June 24th, 2006, 06:43 PM
Is this interrogation hour or something?

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 06:53 PM
The crap who feeds you when?

Damn, what'd you do to get major tranqualizers, kill a cop or something!?

[daDoctorz] feed me [daily]...

Psyche drugs that tweak the actual brain chemistry (serotonin uptake inhibitors, etc) are a fairly recent invention. 30 yearz ago, all they could do was dope us into oblivion, so we were no longer a threat to ourselves or otherz...

--T

Vlad
June 24th, 2006, 06:55 PM
30 yearz ago, all they could do is dope us into oblivion,

--T



Weeeeeeeee O_o

atari2600a
June 24th, 2006, 06:56 PM
You mean you're in the ward now?

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 07:06 PM
No, I'm at home now, stable, on medz. Last time I hadda be locked-up was 1999 (beat that rap), and before that, about twenty yearz ago.

--T

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 07:09 PM
People often wonder, "If it makes ya normal, why don't you guyz like taking your medz?" Well, the truth is, they don't make ya 'normal', they just make ya st00pit!

--T

Terry Yager
June 24th, 2006, 07:17 PM
Yeah, I never made it that far, but I came close once. When you get to that point, that kind of thing isn't really on your mind. You'll have a lot of other stuff to worry about......

-VK

When I'm in an episode, I have 'escaped' into my own mind, so I'm not really very aware of anything outside of my body. I could be thrown into the deepest, darkest hole in the whole correctional system, and not give a damn, cauze I'm in a whole 'nother place.

--T

ziloo
June 25th, 2006, 06:18 AM
the times when my muse is most active is when I'm in the throes of a psychotic episode...

Well Terry, you are amongst great many wonderful people in this world who have directed their emotional/mental singularities towards something good for themselves and others. Mediocrity doesn't lead to anywhere, it is just a cavity that most people dig into to be safe. But struggling everyday of one's life to make it a beautiful and productive day is a job not for an ordinary man.

You have been a buddy to everybody in this forum and that only comes from someone with a very big heart. This reminds me of a mid-twentieth century humanist who said: "psychology is not a matter of the mind, psychology is a matter of the heart". And as far as that goes, you are one of the sanest people I have ever known!

Terry Yager
June 25th, 2006, 08:13 AM
<Blushing>Aww, gee...thanx...

--T

alexkerhead
June 25th, 2006, 07:42 PM
Terry, you were really in the ward?
I would have never guessed it. You seem sane enough to me.
If it is anything at all, I had a shrink diagnose me with bi-polar syndrome and prescribed me something wierd(cant remember the name), but I never took it.
It isn't a major case, but I know how you feel.
Sometimes I get mad for no real reason, take this post for instance, I don't hardly remeber writing it.

What is your problem? Maybe not everyone's parents can buy them a great PC, I think atari has done well with getting everything for free.
FYI, I used a 486 with a 19.2K modem on netzero until 2001, so don't cut people's stuff down, sometimes they can't afford a new machine. You're a Prick

I can't even clearly remember writing that, but I know in my mind I did, but usually I am very cool about things, not angry, just happens. But I can't imagine how bad it'd have to have been for you to enter a mental ward.

Edit: LOL, that seroquel was the crap he wanted me on.

Terry Yager
June 25th, 2006, 08:26 PM
It's usually a very easy choice between hospital or jail. (I know how to have a very convincing psychotic break when I need to).
I know what ya mean about uncontrolled anger, it's the one thing that has gotten me into trouble every time I've ever been.

--T

alexkerhead
June 25th, 2006, 09:54 PM
It's usually a very easy choice between hospital or jail. (I know how to have a very convincing psychotic break when I need to).
I know what ya mean about uncontrolled anger, it's the one thing that has gotten me into trouble every time I've ever been.

--T
Yeah, it is so unpredictable. I called my best friend a piece of sh!t because he asked me how to put brake pads on. That was a nice one to get over...lol
I have deleted tons of posts I have written and luckily saw after I got over being mad and deleted.

carlsson
June 26th, 2006, 12:32 AM
When I was evaluated for enlistment (over here, military service is mandatory for all suitable men over 18 years), the psychologist after having a five minute conversion with me declared me mentally instable. She didn't tell me it herself though; I was told by the superior at the end of the two day evalutation.

Point in case: never before and never after that, anyone has suggested I have a mental problem. I get uncontrollable ticks occasionally, in particular when I'm tired, but that is not the same as being mentally instable. But somewhere in the military records, it says "Anders Carlsson, mentally instable". :roll:

Anyway, I have a slight hearing problem from birth. It is something that only shows up on audiolog tests, not in daily life. The military doctor though was scared about the latin writing from my ear doctor, and perhaps thought the disease might get worse or I'd get a real hearing problem if I went into field with a lot of shooting. I also have very bad eyesight without glasses and poor condition, so in the end I was called off from doing military duty. I didn't complain a bit.

Terry Yager
August 8th, 2006, 08:14 PM
You're lucky, carlsson. I hadda actually go into the millitary in order to 'beat' the draft. (It's a long story...).

--T

carlsson
August 9th, 2006, 01:48 AM
But in the US, you enlist yourself on own will, not commanded by the law?

Terry Yager
August 9th, 2006, 08:32 AM
But in the US, you enlist yourself on own will, not commanded by the law?


Not in '71, we still had the draft (Vietnam and all that)...

--T

Terry Yager
August 9th, 2006, 09:19 AM
Of course, tic disorders are considered a form of mental illness. If the tic(s) were evident during your interview, five minutes may have been enough time to reach that conclusion.

--T

carlsson
August 9th, 2006, 09:55 AM
When I took the tests (it is a two day event over here), in my group there was a punk guy with a &#99;ock's crest haircut. Dunno if that is the correct English description, when your head is shaved except for a line of upstanding, heavily sprayed hair.

Anyway, this guy had decided he was not going into the military. The tests started with a knowledge/intelligence test, and we were given instructions how to fill it in and not cheat. The guy did everything to cheat, be disruptive, making noises and so on. They had to bring him out from the room and go talk to a counsellor.

After the written test, we had physical tests: resting pulse, arm and leg strength, visual and colour blindness tests and finally endurance on a test cycle. We had been told to bring gym clothes, but of course the punk guy didn't. He had to take the tests in his underwear. All the time he shouted to the instructors: "Don't touch my &#99;ock's crest!" and was finally ordered to see the head psychologist, which sounded like someone you'd fear to meet.

At the end of the day, when the rest of us were going to the nearby military camp for overnight, this guy was admitted to go home with the group that came the day before. He definitely didn't need to do military service, but I only imagine what his military records are. In particular if today, 12 years after, he has changed his life style. I don't think many employers need or have the rights to get information from the military, but at least if he'd be applying for a civil employment within the military or perhaps works as a consultant for a company that has military as their customers, the old records could come into view.

Terry Yager
August 9th, 2006, 11:23 AM
Dunno bout Sveden, but over here, the Federal Government is considered the #1 largest employer in the country. Surely, any application for a govt job would include a background check, including millitary records.

I'm reminded of when I first applied for disability, the sent me to see a 'hired gun' shrink of thier choosing. Later, when I became curious about what he'd written in his report, I asked for a copy of my records. I had to file a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request to see my own records. I was pizzed! The lowliest of govt employees, the clerk behind the desk at a local branch office, can view all my records with just a couple of mouse clicks, but I have to jump thru hoops for the same access.

--T