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Thread: One persons (poor) experience with electric fence

  1. #1

    Default One persons (poor) experience with electric fence

    It's just a forum reader saying this but thought it was funny enough to repost. Since their forum is slow I'm quoting it here. Had a few of us in the robot group cracking up. Reminds me of the era I missed (though I still consider unfortunate) of fixing tv's and monitors and poking around with a screwdriver and finding that playful little flyback converter.

    (Jwax): "Installation of electric fencing

    Thought y'all should read this in case you're
    thinking of installing an electric fence!

    We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few
    months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically
    in the entire city.

    To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric
    fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

    Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply
    had, made for 26 miles of fence.

    I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into
    the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you
    have in the ground, the better the fence works.

    One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo
    Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken
    and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I
    unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire
    and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It
    seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after

    Now I'm standing there, I've got the running
    lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga volt fence wire
    in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the
    size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down
    cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing
    I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my
    body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
    lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every
    time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel
    the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the
    engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS
    lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical

    Science says you cannot crap, pee, and nut at the same
    time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once,
    but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of
    a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time
    is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM
    BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there
    were minutes in between but in reality it was so close
    together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy
    turning 8 grand.

    At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds)
    into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around
    the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a
    farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always
    had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that
    were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not
    let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting
    signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river
    bottom soil.

    At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to
    just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of
    gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled
    the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has
    settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of
    big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz,
    and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God, please
    die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the
    rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big
    bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from
    its owner's right foot.

    So, here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80%
    humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill
    me. God did not take me that day, he left me there covered
    in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity
    had created.

    I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire....
    I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower
    was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I
    was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot
    were the wire had laid while I was on the ground still
    holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in
    the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon
    waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few

    1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

    2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right
    butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

    3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not
    smell as bad as you might think.

    4- My left eye will not open.

    5- My right eye will not close.

    6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I
    think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or
    something, because it was better than new after that.

    7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are
    almost a foot long.

    8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while
    thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?)

    That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for
    things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I
    always double check to make sure the fence is unplugged
    before I mow.

    The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over
    the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system
    will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling
    all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I

    Be safe and have a wonderful Christmas."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Saginaw, MI, USA 48601
    Blog Entries


    Great story, John, I can't top it. Best I can do is the one about my ol' coon-hound, Sam, getting caught by his ballz onna hot fence one night...not even close!

    Teach your children how to think, not what, and hold 'em close, not tight.

    Please visit the Vintage-Computer Wiki. Contributers welcome.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Hamilton, Ontario, Canada


    I was laughing so hard reading that I had to wipe my eyes three times before finishing to see the rest.

    Legacy Computers and Parts

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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Blog Entries


    How true it is I don't know. I don't think an electric fence is even legal in the city these days is it?
    What I collect: 68K/Early PPC Mac, DOS/Win 3.1 era machines, Amiga/ST, C64/128
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    in the basement


    Man...that gets a 10/10 on my Richter scale!
    I am gonna be laughing all day...

    Last edited by ziloo; December 30th, 2008 at 03:52 AM.

  6. #6


    hehe, fairly awful story. I'd laugh, had it not happened to myself

    My parents have horses close to their back yard, where I was mowing the lawn. I've touched the same electric fence before, but with rubber soles on my shoes and without the lawn mower in my hands and it only tingles. But with my fathers clogs and that engine in hand it hurts!

    At least I got to keep my pants clean, but I got a hefty headache from it.
    Last edited by pontus; December 29th, 2008 at 10:47 PM. Reason: Spelling
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  7. #7


    OMG! His description of the event was hilarious!! Tears in the eyes hilarious!!

    Favorite part...

    4- My left eye will not open.

    5- My right eye will not close.
    What a terrific mental picture that leaves!!

    "A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light."

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    At my computer
    Blog Entries

    Red face

    Been their. We have a high-power electric bird feeder protector (electrocutes squirrls). I was lost watching some guys cut down a tree, and plunked my FACE down on that electrified rail. That's when my bouts of nostalgia began.

  9. #9


    I meant to relate my electric fence story, not quite up to the leader, but very unpleasant.

    When I was a kid, we moved into one of my uncle's fields, (eventually building a house there!) I was always catching myself on his electric fence whilst hopping over it, it wasn't too bad, as it was a battery powered one & pretty old, only nasty experience was getting it caught on the back of my neck whilst ducking under it, it made all my arms and legs shoot out sideways, dumping me face first into a cow pat.

    The field next to us however was a different matter, and we knew to just avoid that fence. I did until one day when I was riding my new bike along the edge of our field. I stopped & tried to put my foot down, but of course the ground was further away! so I just fell sideways off the bike, straight through a hawthorn hedge, between the rows of the barbed wire fence on the other side, and onto the electric fence, which then zapped me throwing me backwards into the barbed wire again. I was sore that night!
    "Don't it always seem to go
    That you don't know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone" (BANG )

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Saginaw, MI, USA 48601
    Blog Entries


    Just a little sidebar, but did y'all know that swine can detect electricity with their noses? Hogs will frequently test the wire, and they can tell if it's electrified or not. If, for some reason you've lost power, they will stompede right through it, but if it's charged, they just turn and go about their other pig businesses. It's kinda funny to see, cause it looks like they're sniffing the fence, so we used to tell city folks that they can smell the power.

    Teach your children how to think, not what, and hold 'em close, not tight.

    Please visit the Vintage-Computer Wiki. Contributers welcome.


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