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Thread: Diary of an AOL User.

  1. #1

    Default Diary of an AOL User.

    Diary of an AOL User.

    July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the
    best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better
    hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I
    don't know what is wrong.

    July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
    modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think
    I am?

    July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
    wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.

    July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next
    door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.

    July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online
    for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's
    just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these
    services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the
    modem. They didn't even tell me about communications software. Bet they
    didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a
    modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not
    suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone
    sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the
    sound.

    July 26 - What's the Internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this
    Internet thing. I'm confused.

    July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America
    Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared to
    me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.

    July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but
    nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.

    July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm
    connected to America Online not usenet.

    July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How
    do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they
    have a different type of keyboard.

    JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT
    HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK
    KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND
    WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISN'T THE SAME SIZE AS THE
    OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD
    KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I
    HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.

    AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN
    ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE
    INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.

    AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE
    ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I
    WASN'T SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.

    AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DIDN'T KNOW SPIDERS
    GREW THAT LARGE.

    AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I
    WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I
    WASN'T SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.

    AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE
    PROFANITY.

    AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A
    STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY
    LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?

    August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its
    probably an extra feature that costs more money.

    August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited. I'm
    going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to
    every newsgroup I could find.

    August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have
    to work on it some more.

    August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few
    posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the
    earth. I wonder what an aol is.

    August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something.
    Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but I
    can't find that group.

    August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where
    the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the kid next
    door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he's laughing
    so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come
    over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the
    rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty
    stuff.
    Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad
    words.

    August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
    where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new
    signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to read
    my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that short story I
    like.

    August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I
    told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.
    Last edited by RJBJR; August 20th, 2012 at 07:03 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    I'm actually pretty sure that today if you still have AOL the problems are more like this:
    8 AM: Call AOL because it's giving you an authentication failure, and you can't reset the password because you can't get into your email because you don't have your password.
    8:30 AM: Get past the computer, you're on hold
    10:45 AM: Finally get a person, and they don't even speak English! WHY MUST THE SUPPORT BE IN ROMANIA!?
    Noon: Finally get an English speaking person, even though you can't understand half the words they say.
    1 PM: FINALLY get the password reset, have to hang up to try again. This time it gives you a server error.
    1:05 PM: Call back AGAIN
    1:35: Get past the computer AGAIN
    4 PM: FINALLY get a person after being on hold, I guess that "Your call is very important to us" message was exactly like the cake, a lie.
    4:40 PM: After repeating your information 5 times, they tell you they have suspended your account due to lack of payment, as you were $0.15 short.
    4:45 PM: You cuss them out, they hang up.
    7 PM: After going through all the crap again you tell them to cancel the Dial Up.
    Next Day:
    Get AT&T Internet. Repeat but with AT&T rather than AOL.

  3. #3

    Default

    I've got a 5.25" AOL diskette, but I didn't use it because I didn't have a credit card. I've also got a more recent 3.5" one but didn't use that either. By the time the CDs came out, I still didn't have a credit card. All in all, AOL missed out on me and has always been more like LOL.

    Funny, where I live I pay my ISP in cash. I just drop off a hundred or two at their house and then forget about it for so long that I'm overdue again. They never complain about it. I bet you city slickers can't get away with that. Ha!
    WANTED: Cardinal 2450MNP modem.

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    I liked that a whole lot.

    I'm pretty sure that if you call AOL, they don't exist.

    Just kidding, but AOL representatives in the late 90s were actually pretty nice to us. And if you've seen that AOL prank call video, that guy sure has some patience with them.
    ~Ian~

    Looking for a Gateway 2000 G6-333 - my first computer.

  5. #5

    Default

    Haha, funny! Thanks for posting, got my laugh for today.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Jacksonville, Florida
    Posts
    1,191

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    I used to work with a guy that owned his own computer company that put together servers and offered network services. The company went under about 12 years ago and he wound up working whatever jobs he could find. He worked at AOL for awhile and told me a story about working at their call center here in Jacksonville. Whenever someone called with an issue, they used a troubleshooting tree to attempt to solve the customer's problem. If the issue couldn't be resolved with the troubleshooting tree, the rep was lost. This guy had a good record of helping customers because he actually knew computers. But that wasn't what AOL management wanted. The reps were required to try and sell other AOL services while they had someone on the line. Anyway, they hired a girl that was working in the snack bar cooking french fries to work as a rep. She couldn't fix anyone's computer but was good at selling those add-ons and was held in higher esteem that the knowledgeable geeks.

    Another guy I met was a manager at the same call center. He admitted that when the number on users got too high and slowed the servers down, they would throw a switch that kicked everybody offline.

    I know I'll probably make some people mad when I say this, but back in the day, people that knew computers didn't use AOL. The AOL users were regarded as a bunch of flunkies. So, the initial posting shows how most computer people viewed AOL users.

  7. #7
    Join Date
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    libtard capital, California
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    for some reason, the 31337 h4x0r that "hacked" 127.0.0.1 came to mind...

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuckster_in_Jax View Post
    I know I'll probably make some people mad when I say this, but back in the day, people that knew computers didn't use AOL. The AOL users were regarded as a bunch of flunkies. So, the initial posting shows how most computer people viewed AOL users.
    I think that's true. I did use CompuServe before the Web really got going (but then, so did Microsoft); you could get a no-nonsense text interface then. AOL never even floated to the level of consideration--compatibility issues probably scared a lot of people away. Same for MSN--I haven't checked lately, but I think there's still an account with my ID on it out there--it comes with the DSL service. I have never used it.

  9. #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dorkbert View Post
    for some reason, the 31337 h4x0r that "hacked" 127.0.0.1 came to mind...
    "Dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you've been hacked. The FTP server at 127.0.0.1 has all your files. Have a look; just log in with your normal credentials..."

    Had a good laugh out of that the first time I saw it.

  10. #10

    Default

    Reminds me of the early days of the web where a site would claim they have broken into your system and have all your files. Usually followed by iframe to "file:///c:\". Was good for a laugh back in the day when you watch them squirm. Optionally you could tell them it was a trick before they go and delete their files "off the server".
    Looking to acquire: IBM 5100, Altair 8800

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